4th night at diploma

PD (personal development) may sound weird to anyone not involved in counselling training. The object is to help you become more aware of yourself. So, when sitting with a client I’m more conscious of my feelings and how they affect that relationship. I get to know what pushes my buttons and thus don’t react when they are pushed.

During PD sat there feeling nothing. Supposed to share what we feel. Wondered about saying I didn’t feeling anything. I didn’t speak. Though, is not feeling still a feeling? I think it is, at least in this context. As I stayed with this lack of feeling started to feel a little concerned that there was no real feeling. Surely I should have something going on? Previous weeks there has. Perhaps should have shared that. Did feel frustrated that every time was about to open my mouth someone else did slightly before me. Could have shared that frustration. Need to be a bit bolder and faster Though that runs a risk of offending. At one point congruence was discussed, leading away from feelings more into theory, until someone led us back to sharing feelings.

If these accounts of the evenings seem short and to not give a full description of all that occurred, its due to confidentiality. Also this blog is relating my feelings, thoughts, etc on my counselling journey. Not anyone elses.

Deadman at A&E

Took my Mum to A&E yesterday and saw this huge bin. The label prompted me to take this picture. It seemed a bit strange for these words to be used in a fairly public place where there will be on occasion a “deadman” or two.

Book titles mix up

It seems I messed up quite a bit with my thinking CS Lewis wrote ”Surprised by Grief”.  He actually wrote “Surprised by Joy“.  Not quite the same context! Apologies to CS Lewis, his family and all who honour him. Either way, I was and am still surprised by my grief.

3rd night at diploma

Began this post last Monday evening, only just completing it.  So it may seem a bit out of place after the post regarding my father-in-law.

Started with an hour and 15 mins of PD (Personal Development) which was great.  It has been moved from the end of the evening to the beginning.  Seemed a lot better as there was no quick cut off, as there had been the other two times, due to running out of time.  Shared my feeling of feeling very welcomed yet still felt outside of the group. Expressed feeling of wanting to share but not sure of the value having been through all that with the previous course.  Was asking myself why the desire to share?  Where did that come from? Was there a need to test the group, to see if they would have unconditional regard for me despite whatever I might share? Perhaps.

Then we split for triads for the first time this year.  It was great. I was observer and client.  Look forward to being counsellor, hopefully next week. Feedback will be great to get – as I long to develop further and without feedback that development I feel with be somewhat restricted.

Surprised by grief

Yes, I know this post’s title is the same as a book by CS Lewis. But I am surprised by my grief. Last September my father died. This Tuesday my father-in-law died. The last few days have been with my wife and her mother helping with various things. It has brought back most of my emotions experienced when my Dad died. This time there seemed to be an almost physical heaviness. Last night my arms felt weighed down. Having read how one grief can bring back a previous grief, I now know the reality of that. Yet, admit to holding back some of the tears. A saying, from a lady from Sierra Leone, that you should never show more grief than someone currently in grief comes back strongly to mind. We drive home tonight. Perhaps we can cry together.

Songs, inquiries and governments

While cleaning out and organising the study put on an old album by Michael Nesmith from 1972 “And the Hits Just Keep on Comin’“. Lyrics of one song caught me:

Keep in mind the difference
Between courage and will
Don’t be afraid to stop what you’ve begun
The straight folks think that winning
Gives them license to kill
But number good is better than number one

Yes, words like “the straight folks” date it. Hearing it sung they don’t sound so odd. Or maybe that’s because of memories Anyway, thoughts came as I listened. Is this an anti-war song? Or at least an anti-unjust war song? With the Iraq inquiry they struck a chord.

Many people take staunch views on the war in Iraq. Right or wrong. Just or unjust. I feel the main problem is the general public aren’t given all the information. So we can’t make a balanced view point. We, no OK, I don’t fully trust the government. They seem to give off an air of distrust. Until they speak plainly that will not be dispelled. I want to trust the government. I currently find that hard. The same goes for the opposition parties. Each have their own agenda. That agenda should be the benefit of the country. Yet, it seems not to be. It appears to benefit themselves.

This of course is all subjective. When I vote at the coming general election and vote I will, it will no doubt come down to feelings and emotions. Facts and figures will be distorted. There will be, as once said “Lies, damned lies and statistics”.

In the counselling room until we get past the so called facts down to our feelings no real change happens. I was going to try to draw an analogy here to feelings in politics and counselling. But, can’t really except to say both are deeply involved.

Drug influenced client

What should I do with a client seemingly still under the influence of drugs taken earlier? Well, seemingly is not the correct word – who is  - would be. I decided to carry on the session. There are those who would think that absurd, maybe even dangerous?

I recall Dave Mearns (Working at Relational Depth in Counselling and Psychotherapy) relating how he counselled a client who initially came in partially drunk to sessions. He unconditionally accepted the person, was congruent and empathic.  This led to a great work together. Not easy, indeed quite difficult.  That perhaps is the key to person-centred work - it is together – the counsellor and client work as one.  It is not them and us or us and them.  There is a vibrant relationship established between counsellor and client.  The whole idea of relational depth is key.

Without unconditional positive regard, congruence and empathy it cannot work completely.  It is as we were taught by Clive - trusting the process.  If as a counsellor I have enough trust in the process working between myself and a partially drug induced client things will work.  Not that I’m saying I am in any way near Dave Mearns in experience and so on.  Yet I have to trust the process …

It is not judging – it is being there for the person whatever state they are in.  Accepting them and thus helping them to feel valued, perhaps for the first time ever. The process is once they feel valued and loved the change will start within.  They will begin to want to stop the drugs/alcohol.  We can them work together in a way that helps the individual client.

What is the alternative?  Refuse to see them?  Throw the person back wherever they came from? I recognise seeing a person under the influence of drugs or alcohol is not ideal but at least there is something or someone to work with.  If there’re not with you, where might they be.  Ideally a client would be abusing substances when they see you, but clients are not perfect – indeed far from it at times. But,then counsellors are far from perfect either.  Working to develop some type of relational depth I would maintain is the way to be.

I’m sure there will be some who will be horrified by this entry.  As always comments welcome.  Maybe someone can show me an alternative way?

WordPress Blackberry app retry

Another attempt to post using the WordPress Blackberry app. Think I selected the incorrect status last time, which is why it ended up in the my blog drafts. Post now and see what happens.

2nd diploma night exploration

As mentioned previously felt some irritation during the evening. The task was then to find out where it emanated from. Well, it was in me, but why was I feeling so.

Exclusion. After talking with a friend and much meditating on where this irritation originated, it feels very much like I felt outside the community. Not that I was being excluded. I was being made very welcome. It came when there was discussion over watching the DVD a quick consensus was reached. They all seemed to feel as one. Jealous of that maybe? This is all to be expected. Not the jealousy, but feeling outside. When a group of people work together for a year it will take more than one week for a new person to feel one with that group.

This then brings up congruence. Should I mention the irritation or wait things out? Would mentioning it worsen things? Maybe revealing myself would bring me more into the community. Maybe the opposite – leaving me feeling further excluded. Over the past year they must have revealed much of each other to each other, which over time would bring them together. Think I will share then my feelings in a kind and congruent manner next week. The emphasis on my feelings, not what may appear to be others feelings.

To wait things out requires patience required Or is it more long suffering? Are those qualities the same? I feel they are perhaps different. Is patience more things don’t bother you? Whereas, long suffering is more they do bother you, but you don’t react. The choice is made to be calm and wait, despite feelings of irritation. I wonder …

2nd evening at diploma and the WordPress Blackberry app

Tried posting this using the WordPress Blackberry app I just installed. It failed to work. Perhaps it is fairer to say I failed to get it to work. So if it suddenly does work there will be two similar posts

OK. It did work. Ended up as a draft post, which only saw once I’d logged on with a laptop. Blackberry phones don’t let you see everything. For me though blogging via email seems easier than using the WordPress Blackberry app.

So I’ll start another post to continue exploring the irritation felt at the 2nd night of the diploma.