As It Is or As I Am - the life & times of a counsellor

23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health?

Neil — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 13:03:05 +0000

Been a while since I’ve posted here. Feel this is worthwhile. Not much extra I can say about this – take the 9 minutes 19 seconds to watch. It could alter your view of something that can change your health. Wasn’t going to mention what it is, but you’ll get it from the first few moments. I’ve known of some of these benefits for a long time. The video explains further far-reaching benefits, which did surprise me. This relates to physical health, which in turn promotes our emotional health. I have determined to make a change. Will you?

Picked up this video from another counsellor’s blog I came across: http://juliakristina.com/blog/

Strangely relaxed and at ease

Neil — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:26:17 +0000

Last night had my first sessions counselling since gaining the diploma. I’m not sure whether it was me , the clients, or being awarded the diploma, yet there was a greater calmness, serenity and ease with all that occurred in the counselling room yesterday. Was it that I didn’t feel quite so obligated to be a certain way, as taught through the diploma course? Part of me feels that to be the case, that there felt an openness being myself, not thinking of how I perhaps thought I ought to be. Though, I must state that we were always taught to be ourselves, that we were each unique and thus the best way to be, was to be ourselves. I would like to think that I had always been seeking to be myself in the counselling room, as in all parts of my life. Yet, last night there seemed an even greater contentment and ease.

Was it like taking the driving test, that the real driving and experiencing follows once the test has been passed? As learning to drive continues as new situations on the roads are encountered, so as I continue counselling my development and learning will never end. Though, as in order to become an even better driver there are advanced driving coures to take, likewise there are further counselling courses to take. The first of which will be with John Threadgold, regarding Focusing.

Counselling Diploma passed!!

Neil — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 12:08:19 +0000

A short while ago I submitted my portfolio for review and examination. This morning had an email from the senior tutor, where I had studied, that I have passed the ABC Diploma in the Theory and Practice of Counselling. As stated in the course guide, the course philosophy was:

The course is based on the theory and values of the Person-Centred Approach as developed by Carl Rogers. We believe as Rogers wrote that:

Individuals have within themselves vast resources for self-understanding and for altering their self-concepts, basic attitudes and self directed behaviour; these resources can be tapped if a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided. [A Way of Being, 1980, p115]

The aim of the course tutors is to provide a climate for growth that will enable each student to develop their own “way of being”. The learning group will have the opportunity to take responsibility for shaping the course and directing their own learning.

So the many years of study, placements, etc. come to fruition. Still much to continue to learn and develop. Don’t ever really see at end to that.

Two things to sort out now:

Insurance
Place to practise
Change the title of this blog

So the beginning of another journey or the continuation of an existing journey?

For me, both …

“Dependency and the Person-Centred Approach”

Neil — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 12:45:07 +0000

Months ago I said I’d answer this question – so answer it I will, though it will be from my own perspective as from my reading, browsing and searching have not yet discovered much that relates to the subject. Apart from the quote to the right from Brian Thorne: “If therapy has been successful, clients will also have learned how to be their own therapist“. The implication I take is that is you no longer need a therapist, there is no dependency. That of course is the ultimate aim, hopefully the end result of any counselling that has taken place. Before that is reached there will no doubt be some type of dependency. Ideally there should be none, as any relationship between a person-centred counsellor and client should be as equal as possible. There will no doubt be some inequality, but that should be very limited. Through the attributes of acceptance, empathy and congruence the client will hopefully see the counsellor not as an expert or the expert, in knowing what the client should do or be, but as someone who is there to assist the client in getting to know them self more, to discover things that had either been deliberately, or unconsciously hidden. The object being to come to terms with who they were, who they are now and who they wish to be, recognising that we are never static in our being, that “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” This links for me with another statement from Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” As I come to understand where I have come from, where I am, then I can more powerfully change my future, if I wish to.

Reading this over, it probably doesn’t really answer the question asked. Ah, well … maybe next time

As always, any thoughts or comments appreciated (or further questions ).

Counselling Portfolio finally submitted …

Neil — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:08:51 +0000

As the title says, have finally submitted by portfolio for a diploma in person-centred counselling. Apparently it takes between 8 – 12 weeks to hear back. Seems a long time to wait. But, not much I can do to hurry the process. An interesting phrase “hurry the process” - something that occasionally clients like to try to do, but I feel can’t really be done. A bit like running before walking. Certain things must be done in order.

A question – I’m hoping that the portfolio is acceptable – if so, do I then change the title of this blog from “the life & times of a trainee counsellor“? And if so, what do I change it to? Using the word “qualified” seems too presumptuous, as there is always more to learn and develop. Maybe “a newly trained counsellor“? Any suggestions out there?

So what now? With regards to counselling a more concentrated effort in learning and applying Focusing. I’ve mentioned Focusing here at different times. Now with the portfolio submitted there feels time to enjoy embracing Focusing.

One thing to do is answer a question that was asked nearly a year ago here, about transference from a person-centred perspective. Over the next week will attempt an answer to post here. Actually have just searched to find who and when the comment was made. The question was “dependency and the person-centred approach”, not transference. So perhaps I’ll research both.

Amazon Kindles and death!!

Neil — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:32:35 +0000

Amazon Kindle

No, Amazon Kindles don’t cause death, at least I’ve not heard of any yet! This is my question: What happens to my Kindle books on my death? A strange question some may think. Being involved from time to time in bereavement counselling, plus the death of my father just over 18 months ago and my mother in January, questions pertaining to the death of a loved one need answering. Most questions relating to the death of a loved one can be found out there somewhere. The one question I’ve not found an an answer to, or a satisfactory answer to, is what happens to all my Kindle books I’ve purchased on my death? I know that whilst I’m alive I cannot transfer my account to my wife or she, hers to mine. My Kindle books are mine and hers are hers. According to Amazon, the two shall not mix. Unlike the book shelves where we mingle our books together, as we do our lives in general. If I live another 20 years, buy one £5.00 Kindle book a month, that’s £1200 of books. If they were printed they’d immediately be available to Debbie.

So I thought I’d email Amazon to see if they had an option to transfer accounts on the death of a spouse. Seems not.

06/22/11 11:35:10

Your name:Neil

Comments:As the Kindle content is managed via Amazon and is connected to my Amazon account I am wondering what will happen when I die. Can a transfer then be made to my wife so she then will have access to all my kindle books via her own Amazon account? Or are my kindle books then lost forever to my wife? As any printed books would be available to my wife on my death, I’m wondering what happens to kindle books? Will they be available to her? Quite a consideration, for me, when a kindle book is virtual the same price as a printed one. If such books are lost on my death then I’m not sure I’d want to spend any more money on kindle books.

Hoping you can clarify what happens on a kindle users death.

Many thanks,

Neil.

PS You may think this a strange question, but as I am also involved in bereavement counselling it is something a future client may actual raise.

The reply (with my thoughts to the answer in-line) came back the same day, so good on Amazon for a quick response!

Hello Customer,

Further to your e-mail, I understand that you would like to know whether you can transfer the Kindle books to your wife’s account. – the when I die bit not acknowledged
The purchase and download of digital content from Amazon.co.uk, including content from the Kindle Store, is associated with the Amazon.co.uk account used to make the original purchase. As a result, Kindle content cannot be shared like a physical book. - I know this generally, but what about when I die?
You can enjoy your Kindle content on Kindle devices or Kindle applications that are registered to your Amazon.co.uk account. All available content will appear in the Archived Items of each device/app.
You can see all your Kindle content and send downloads to your registered Kindles or Kindle applications from the “Your Orders” section of the Manage Your Kindle pagewww.amazon.co.uk/manageyourkindle.
Please understand that you will not be able to transfer all the Kindle content to your wife’s account as the Kindle content you have purchased is related to your account only. – but what about when I die?
Customer feedback like yours helps us continue to improve the service and products we provide, and we are glad you took time to write to us. I have sent your comments to the business team. Each suggestion will be read and taken into consideration.
I hope this information helps. Thanks for your interest in Kindle.
Did I solve your problem? – not really!!
If yes, please click here:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/help/survey?p=A35UHVEXW60ORA&k=hy
If no please click here
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/help/survey?p=A35UHVEXW60ORA&k=hn
Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.
To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our website: http://www.amazon.co.uk/help
Warmest regards,
Nagalakshmi Mandadi
Amazon.co.uk
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.

I didn’t feel this answered the question that related specifically to my death which was not acknowledged at all in the reply. Seemed like a cut and paste answer. The same day (22nd June) I clicked on the “If no please click here” link and asked the same question, but hopefully more specifically. It’s now the 24th and they’ve not replied yet.

By the way, for any worrying, thinking my death is imminent. As far as I’m able to tell, this is not so.

Just had a phone call from an Amazon representative. Currently I can transfer from one device to another that is registered to my account and this is what would need to happen on my death – my wife would have to register her Kindle to my account, which would then download all my books but remove hers. To get hers back she’d need to register her account again, to get her own purchased books back. And then repeat each time she might want to read one of mine or her own books. Of course, Debbie may not want to read any of my books :) but I’m sure there will be others whose partners would want to read their partners books after their death. Have I mentioned ”death” too many times? Apparently, in the States there have recently introduced the loaning of Kindle books. Barns and Noble had that a long time ago with the Nook. Amazon playing catch up?

Another poem

Neil — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 12:51:41 +0000

Silence
Silence reigns, as you sit, no words emerging,
I sit silent too, wondering, should I speak,
You speak though, through your self in being,
All you have been, are, may be, starts to leak,
The silence cannot forever the hidden hide
As we listen, so we begin the silence to hear,
In and over, the parts of you and me open wide,
No longer stayed by panic, terror or fear,
Becoming transparent, comes a revealing word,
Each seeing their selfs, emerge the many parts,
Gently, quietly, as each part feels it’s self heard,
In the future begins a new birth, a new heart,

Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You!

Neil — Wed, 04 May 2011 14:00:47 +0000

The below links are to PDFs that were created by Ann Weiser Cornell. Ann has created a 5 day e-course, which as the title suggests results in you getting an email once a day for 5 days. Each day builds on the next. Ann has kindly said they PDFs can be shared, so long as they are not altered in any way. They are in their original form. Once this post is made, I will be emailing Ann with the link in case she disapproves. If she does this post will be removed.

The general idea is connected with the title of one of Ann’s books: The Radical Acceptance of Everything: Living a Focusing Life - where she expresses an idea very similar to Carl Roger’s words: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Ann’s words being: “When you accept yourself, your whole life changes.”

Day 1 - …… something in me is (or feels) ……

Day 2 - …… and I’m saying hello to that ……

Day 3 - …… and I’m placing a gentle hand over it ……

Day 4 - …… and I’m sensing ……

Day 5 - …… and no wonder ……

Give each day a try. As said they build on each other. So, start with Day 1, then Day 2 and so on. By the time you get to Day 5 most will experience some change they have been looking for. I’d be very interested in any feedback, as to how anyone experiences things - good, not so good or nothing at all. Where some clients requested something specific they could try, have suggested these steps and for many there have been significant changes.

Another of Ann’s books I posted on last year.

Edit: Just had email from Ann giving permission to use her PDFs.

The Power of Being Human in Counselling and Psychotherapy – A Seminar with Professors Brian Thorne and Dave Mearns

Neil — Tue, 03 May 2011 12:45:59 +0000

On Saturday, the 16th April attended the above seminar. Have read/studied many of their books it was great to sit with them in person and listen to them discourse together. Even had the opportunity to meet them after. Brian Thorne signed three books I purchased whilst there. Is that too much worship status given him, to want his signature?

It’s difficult now to recall with detail all that was said – it did last from 09:30 until 16:30 with a short lunch break. It did not drag though as some seminars can do. Time seemed to fly by. All in all, it confirmed my feeling that the person-centred approach to counselling id the one I am more suited to or should that be is more suited to me? The whole concept of the client knowing what hurts and what needs fixing seems vibrant for me. Yes, it may take time but the fixing being done by the client, with close accompaniment by the counsellor, is then more permanent, so that old demons are less likely to come back and haunt later. My notes are at home now, so will add some specific quotes later.

For me one of the key insights and indeed blessing was to see two people with very different approaches able to work together so well. Brian the committed Christian, Dave the commit atheist. And work together, not just for the odd day but, for 36 years. Acceptance of each other, empathy for each other and congruence shared over that time.

Poem

Neil — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 09:50:21 +0000

How can I put all these words to rhyme?
Is it by lines, one then another, line by line,
First one letter, then another, by and in time,
If a verse is ever concluded, is that a sign?

It’s only a small thing, not much to worry,
Yet, deep down this small, little “IT” word …
I wonder if inside you wish to say sorry?
Do you feel, have you really been heard?
To who would that be? You, them or me?
No, please, there is no need to apologise,
Surely, the other way round, should it be?
As this small “IT” grows and grows in size,
One day it will explode and finally set you free!!
Enabling you then to throw away all those lies.
Freeing yourself, is that what you really desire?
Or do you feel safer enclosed by an unknown fear.
Tears will flow, quenching the inside burning fire,
Strength flows, to your real self you become near.