As It Is or As I Am – the Art of Becoming

A journey … towards … being

My Dad's Death

Well, where do I start. Been a while, no entries over the summer. Now, last Wednesday (30th Sept) my Dad died. Kind of expected/unexpected. Can that really be? This Saturday (3rd Oct) was his 90th birthday. He was in hospital. Had been just over a week. Wednesday afternoon Mum phoned me, having seen a Dr who said it was now just a matter of time. Could be couple of days. As Mum was relating all this, saying don’t rush over, a voice kept saying “Go now, go now”, 5 times. So I did. Am glad I did. Thankful for the strong prompting to go.

When I got to the Ward Dad was lying in bed looking distressed. He was able to talk but so quietly could not make out his meaning. This was obviously frustrating for Dad. While sitting there, realising I was Dad’s son, the Dr came and asked to see me. She explained his heart was only pumping 15%, his kidneys were now struggling and in the last half hour had blood test results back that showed his liver was also failing. So his body was shutting down. When asked if she could give a time, Dr said she won’t be surprised if he had died before she arrived on shift tomorrow. Reading this it may sound all given very matter of fact. That though was far from my experience. The Dr was very compassionate, allowing tears to fall without interruption.

I called Debbie who came over bringing overnight things as was now planning on staying with Mum.

Mum asked to be taken home, as her asthma was starting to give her problems. Dad was not too comfortable. A nurse was able to give him something. Mum then left as he became more settled.

Gave Dad a blessing then, felt to go and get a drink of hot chocolate.  After drinking was reading a local newspaper, then felt prompted to go back to the Ward.  As I turned the corner, there where two nurses in his room.  The look on their faces said it, I’d just missed him.  He had just dies at approx 22:15

From my short counselling experience and study it seems that most times people seem to die when their loved ones are not with them.  They seem to wait until they’ve left the room.

What worries me – well, not really a worry, but as yet haven’t really cried over his death.  Nor has my Mum.   Sort of feel emotions welling up and then it all disappears. Guess in time it will all come to the surface?

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