2nd diploma night exploration
28 January, 2010
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As mentioned previously felt some irritation during the evening. The task was then to find out where it emanated from. Well, it was in me, but why was I feeling so.
Exclusion. After talking with a friend and much meditating on where this irritation originated, it feels very much like I felt outside the community. Not that I was being excluded. I was being made very welcome. It came when there was discussion over watching the DVD a quick consensus was reached. They all seemed to feel as one. Jealous of that maybe? This is all to be expected. Not the jealousy, but feeling outside. When a group of people work together for a year it will take more than one week for a new person to feel one with that group.
This then brings up congruence. Should I mention the irritation or wait things out? Would mentioning it worsen things? Maybe revealing myself would bring me more into the community. Maybe the opposite – leaving me feeling further excluded. Over the past year they must have revealed much of each other to each other, which over time would bring them together. Think I will share then my feelings in a kind and congruent manner next week. The emphasis on my feelings, not what may appear to be others feelings.
To wait things out requires patience required 🙂 Or is it more long suffering? Are those qualities the same? I feel they are perhaps different. Is patience more things don’t bother you? Whereas, long suffering is more they do bother you, but you don’t react. The choice is made to be calm and wait, despite feelings of irritation. I wonder …