Love is the key
11 March, 2010
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. (Carl Rogers)
The curious paradox is that when you accept me just as I am, then I can change. (Me – slightly paraphrasing Carl Rogers)
When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind. (Joseph Smith)
If our want is to help anyone, we must love them. It is so simple, it’s scary. The words are simple, yet the expression, the being of love, is perhaps not so. If as a counsellor I do not love fully my client, my ability to help them on their journey is severely reduced. No matter how good my “technique” is, love needs pre-eminence in the relationship. That is the crux of unconditional positive regard, love as Carl Rogers also expressed it, combined with empathy and congruence. I’m writing nothing new. Strong feelings came over me this lunch time that love is the key and felt to reiterate this to myself and anyone who may read this blog.
For me, judgement is crucial, or rather non-judgement. If someone judges me, I feel unloved. If they do feel love for me, that love gets diluted through their judgement. Same with clients, if I offer judgement it dilutes any other positive feelings they may have. The relational depth is lost.