As It Is or As I Am – the Art of Becoming

A journey … towards … being

Tag Archives: anger

“So we shouldn’t judge and we shouldn’t fight”

Last Friday we were scanning Amazon Prime, looking for a film to watch. We can across “What we did on our Holidays”. It had no description of what it was about. Starring David Tennant, Billy Connolly, Ben Miller and billed on IMDb as comedy we thought we’d try it. Additionally, being set in the Highlands of Scotland, was a bonus for me, as well as being written and directed by Andy Hamilton and Guy Jenkin. The IMDb summary is “Explores the meaning of life and suggests how best to live and love.”

“Doug (David Tennant) and Abi (Rosamund Pike) and their three children travel to the Scottish Highlands for Doug’s father Gordie’s (Billy Connolly) birthday party. It’s soon clear that when it comes to keeping a secret under wraps from the rest of the family, their children are their biggest liability…”

I find the beach scene quite poignant – particularly the words of Billy Connolly, voiced as the granddad. The words spoken are below, with the video of the scene further down the page.

On the beach –

Grand Daughter Lottie McLeod: “Mum and Dad lie so much. I just don’t trust them any more. They make me so angry.”

Grand dad Gordie McLeod: “Well I used to feel that about my lot too. Until I suddenly realised there was no point in being angry with people I loved, for being what they are. I mean so what if your Dad’s a complete and utter bloody shambles, or your uncle Gavin’s a bit of a tight arse … or a social climber. He can’t help himself. Any more than his wife can help being scared of her own shadow. Or your mum can help being a bit mouthy. The truth is every human being on this planet is … ridiculous … in their own way …So we shouldn’t judge and we shouldn’t fight. Because in the end … in the end, none of it matters, none of this stuff.”

So we shouldn’t judge and we shouldn’t fight. A nice summary of how to live, if we want peace together.

On the way, driving to the beach to his granddaughter – “You need to live more and think less

Are we too concerned sometimes about tradition and mores than letting go – than living and being in the moment, in the now?

Tears, anger and bottles of coke…

Was sitting with a new client last night, who was embarrassed at crying in front of me.  While we sat while together the following analogy formed, which I then shared with the client:

Imagine a bottle of coke, roughly three quarters full.  As it gets shaken up a bit, more bubbles than usual start to ride to the surface.  If the bottle is shaken enough the bubbles can fill what was the empty portion of the bottle.  As the lid is slowly unscrewed the bubbles are gently released with drops of coke appearing at the side of the rim, starting to flow down the edges.  This is a little like us. As we get shaken by events so our emotions bubble up inside and start to fill us up, needing a way of release. In the right circumstances (perhaps in the counselling room, where congruence, empathy and unconditional acceptance are present) it is as if the bottle lid is being slowly unscrewed, we start to gently release things, with tears starting to flow.  Sometime the release can be quite dramatic, as if the bottle top is suddenly and completely unscrewed and the coke overflows and pours out freely. So on occasion our tears can flow freely and copiously.

However, if the lid is not released on the coke bottle, continuing to get shaken or disturbed, it can eventually reach the point of pressure where it just explodes.  This can be like our emotions. If we do not accept them, allowing their gentle release, we can find ourselves emotionally exploding, causing harm to ourselves and others.

It seemed to resonate with my client.  Be interested in others thought’s on this?

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